eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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