I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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