I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
