i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
me + whiskey = a bad person
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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