We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
