I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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