Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
