He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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