Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
