I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
