You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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