remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
