There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
