i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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