I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
