im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
You smell like stripper and shame
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
