when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize