I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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