I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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