She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I currently don't understand fingers.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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