i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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