Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
