my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My feet surprised me
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
