I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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