thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
