so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
