he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize