Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
