he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
