Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
