Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
