I'm so fucking centered right now
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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