no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
