Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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