Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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