CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
