matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
