it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
