break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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