just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
