if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
