I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
