I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
