I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
