I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
