I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
