He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't deserve a penis
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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