I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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