apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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