I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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