Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
