the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
