very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize