Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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