oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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