We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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