Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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