i need an iv and a liver transplant
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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