is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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