i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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