Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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