Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
it glows. i had to have it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
