alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
