After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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