...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
