I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
