Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
