My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
