its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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