It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
