I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
